Wake Up, Look Up

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hello everybody thanks for listening to

wake up lookup a podcast where we

connect events happening in real time to

the Gospel of Jesus Christ I'm Zach wck

and in today's episode we're asking the

question which comes first the house or

the wedding this is based on a Wall

Street Journal article I read this week

that made the point that more and more

American couples are deciding instead of

getting married and instead of doing a

wedding that they should just take the

money they would have allocated towards

a wedding and towards marriage and apply

it toward the purchase of a home that

they'll live in together before they

pursue marriage uh most of us have felt

and seen this phenomena happening more

and more around us but here's some data

that just supports that this is becoming

a growing Trend uh

75% of couples in America live together

before marriage that's three out of

every four couples by the way if you're

app parent listening to this this that

means uh it is a high likelihood that

your children will choose to do this

because again most of their peers are

doing that uh 11% of the homes that were

purchased in 2023 in the United States

were purchased by unmarried couples 11%

now that might not sound like a big

number one in every 10 homes but the

amount of homes purchased by unmarried

couples was up 46% over what it was just

10 years ago so more and more it's

becoming a growing Trend and a growing

phenomena for people to live together uh

before they are married so how should we

think about this biblically well first

let me say that if I try to find one

sliver of positive POS ity in this trend

it would just be this that I think

people are Awakening to the idea that

going into debt or spending tons of

money on a one-day wedding ceremony is

probably unwise uh it is a large party

that you will enjoy and remember parts

of it forever but it's a lot of money

that kind of is gone the day after the

party so I guess it is encouraging that

more and more younger people are saying

you know what I want to allocate the

money towards something that we

appreciate something that will build

equity and not just burn it on a big

party that uh that everyone will come to

for one day that trend is a little

positive what's discouraging of course

is that more and more people are finding

less value in marriage and more value in

trying each other out before marriage I

I meet with couples in this exact

situation all the time in what I do and

so I want to share with you the couple

of things that I tend to say to them uh

that I think they need to hear and maybe

you need to hear because this involves

you or someone close to you the first is

that we when we say we are following

Jesus what we really mean is that when

we disagree with Jesus we will do things

his way this is really important because

if the only time you take Jesus

seriously if the only time you obey him

you follow him is when you already agree

with him then you really aren't

following Jesus you're following

yourself and looking to him for

affirmation the the true reality of the

Christian life is doing something you

don't want to do or not doing something

you want to do because Jesus says it is

not good for you it's trusting Jesus

over and against yourself it's not

listening to yourself in order to listen

to Jesus the reason why I say this is

because when I ask most couples why are

you living together you know what the

Bible teaches that the Bible would say

living together is for marriage that

sexual intimacy is for marriage that

that you should only explore these

things in the context of covenanted

relationship they will usually give me

some form of pragmatic economic

reasoning and I'm not saying their

reasons don't make sense on a human

level I'm just saying where else do we

do that with Jesus if Jesus is King of

the universe then whatever he says is

the wisest most prag Matic thing and if

he is saying something that is unwise

well then why in the world do we pretend

that we believe he's the king of the

universe so where are you really with

Jesus the second thing I want you to

hear though is part of the context of

covenanted relationship is that it gets

difficult to separate I once heard a

marriage seminar person say this that

marriage is like taking two different

colors of Plato and mixing them together

until all you have is one color and then

saying hey now go find all those two

original colors and pull them out of the

Play-Doh you can't you shouldn't be able

to that's what the Bible means when it

says that two become one when you buy a

house with someone that you aren't

married to that hasn't happened and as a

result when it doesn't work and I can

tell you from what I do for a living it

often doesn't you end up in a pretty

messy situation in fact in the article I

read family law attorneys are saying

that lawsuits between unmarried couples

that have broken up are also on the rise

and then here's the third thing you're

not married for a reason I have sat with

couples in my office before we were

living together and sleeping together

and I'll say why aren't you married and

you wouldn't believe the things they

said I've had men say to me in the

presence of their girlfriend I'm just

not sure she's the one I want to spend

the rest of my life with I've heard

women say I'm not sure I can trust him

but if that's true why are you buying a

house with him that's it's just not wise

listen listening to Jesus doesn't always

make sense to us in the short term but

because of who he is it always blesses

us in the long term hey thanks so much

for watching this episode of wake up

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