Wake Up, Look Up

Hello everyone and thanks for listening to Wake Up, Look Up, a podcast where we connect events happening in real time to the gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm Zach Weihrauch and in today's episode, we're asking the question, should Nana stay quiet? This is prompted by an article I read in the Washington Post recently by a pediatrician that was titled five Common Mistakes Grandparents Make. It was just pointing out that particularly in this culture where family estrangement is happening more frequently, maybe than ever, one source of that is the clash that happens between grandparents and parents, their adult children who are now parenting over parenting styles, everything from discipline to screen time to eating habits. The truth is that the way we think about parenting kind of shifts across generations. Approaches change, facts on the ground, change. And that often results in one generation not really approving of the approach of the generation before it or in this case, after it. This pediatrician who wrote the article cites five mistakes that grandparents often make resist. They resist change. They blame the spouse, for the difficulties. They blame parents for all the behavioral problems of their kids. They turn discussions into fights and, and they overstep out of a sense of love. And, and what this pediatrician is saying is that she's seen over and over again these behaviors actually disintegrating the family over medical issues like vaccinations or pediatric care and over non medical issues and listening to. I don't want that for your family. I don't want that for my family. And I'll just say, my kids have a nana and she's awesome. So how do we get this right? How do we, as grandparents or as parents learn to engage on the subject matter of raising children well. Well, let me just offer five biblical thoughts to help shape, I hope, a healthy conversation. If you're a Nana listening to this, or if you're a mom or dad, who knows, you need to have a talk with Nana. Let's just start here. the beginning point is to honor parental roles. Ephesians 6 makes clear that the primary responsibility for children belongs to parents, not grandparents. Deuteronomy 6 gives the challenge of raising children in the fear of God to parents, not to grandparents. Now, that doesn't mean grandparents don't play a role. They absolutely do. But, but their role is in support. It's not to do the work. Their role is in support, not oversight. Remember that Genesis 2 says that when a man and woman get married, they leave their original families and they cleave. They leave and form a new family unit. And when that family unit adds kids Those kids exist in the universe of that family, which means grandparents. Certainly you can be a source of wisdom, you can be a source of help, but you are not responsible. And that might mean giving yourself permission to watch your kids making mistakes, or at least what you think of as parenting mistakes. You don't bear the weight of that. Even if you're right about everything and they're wrong about everything, God isn't going to hold you responsible for that. It is there, right? Responsibility. And mom and dad, you have to feel empowered and enabled by God to say, hey, wait a minute. At the end of the day, I'm the one that God is holding accountable, therefore I'm the one that has to make the decision. But of course, on this topic and any topic, here's my second point. We have to learn to speak with restraint. Proverbs 10:19 says this. Whoever restrains his lips is prudent. what that means is that we're really bad. I've covered this before on Wooloo about giving un solicited advice, unwanted advice. Sometimes that's advice on a subject matter where we know the other person disagrees and they're not open to our feedback. Sometimes that's timing. Hey, maybe when that toddler is throwing a fit in Target Nana, it's not time to weigh in on how mom does her parenting. She's already embarrassed enough, stressed enough. I think what happens is for grandparents, they get enough distance from the kind of frontline work of parenting that they forget how hard it is and they come in with kind of easy, ready made opinions that can really miss the experience that a parent is having. look, if you learn timing, if you learn when to bring things up and how to bring things up, you might just find a little more openness to what you have to say. So that often begins in any relationship by saying, hey, what do you want input on and when do you want it? When? Is it not helpful on what subject matters? Is it not helpful if you can have that conversation, Maybe you'll know what the rules of engagement are and you'll stop missing each other. All right, here's the third point. Your primary role as a grandparent is to encourage one. Thessalonians 5:11 says to encourage one another and build one another up. Now that means seeing and celebrating all the ways they're getting things right. And even when they're not getting things right, it can sometimes mean sending a text that says, hang in there. Listen, here's a quick test. If your child sees a text bubble, come up on their phone or if you begin to say something when something's happening negative with their ch. With their child. What you want in your adult child is that they lean in. They can't wait to read your text, they can't wait to answer their phone, they can't wait to hear what you have to say. But because they know encouragement is coming. But if they're cringing, if they're bracing for impact, if they're leaving you unread, it might just be that you've done enough damage that they actually have some woundedness there. You probably need to stop the parenting advice and circle back and actually deal with the damage that has been done. And that looks like apologizing and saying, hey, how can I do better? Listen, what we're pursuing in our families, this is my fourth point is peace. Romans 12:18 says to live peaceably with all and how much more then with our families. Listen, let's learn how to talk to each other again. Hey, what am I doing that's not helpful. This episode actually gives you a great hey, I just listened to a podcast on how grandparents can be helpful and not helpful. What am I doing that works? What am I doing that doesn't What a great conversation for you to have. And let me just end here. If you're a parent, look, have those tough conversations with Nana, Papa, Grandma, Grandpa. But also remember, they are a source of encouragement and love and wisdom. The Apostle Paul says about Timothy in 2 Timothy 1:5 that the faith that Timothy has was passed down from his grandmother Lois. In other words, it was Lois's role in Timothy's life that actually shaped him into the meaningful and important pastor he he was in the early church. Don't alienate yourself from an incredible resource of grandparents. Have hard conversations in the right time and in the right way so that you get peace, so that you get encouragement, so that you get love, and so that you get wisdom from Nana. Nana, we love you. Let's just have a, conversation on what that looks like best. Hey, thanks for watching this episode of Wake Up, Look Up. If you enjoyed it, please help us get the word out by sharing it with someone you think might benefit from it. And while you're here, make sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel to get further content or even download the CCC app, where you'll find even more resources to help you grow in your faith and relationship with Jesus Christ.

Have an article you’d like Zach to discuss? Email us at wakeup@ccchapel.com!