Getting off the Relationship Escalator
[Applause]
[Music]
hello everyone thanks for listening to
wake up lookup a podcast where we
connect events happening in real time to
the Gospel of Jesus Christ I'm Zach wck
in today's episode we're talking about
getting off the relationship escalator
this is coming from something I read
this week in the Washington Post by
relationship journalist and researcher
Amy Goran who has coined a term she
calls the relationship escalator I I
love this idea it has to do with how
people end up married and more
specifically oftentimes how they end up
divorced and and here's what I mean or
maybe more appropriately what Amy means
she says two people meet and they're
attracted to each other and the natural
thing to do when they're attracted to
each other is to date and they go on a
few dates and it just makes sense to
them that they should start sleeping
together and then once they're sleeping
together it makes sense eventually you
should move in together and once you
move in together it makes sense you
should just go ahead and get married and
before you know it you end up married to
someone that you never really had a
conscious moment of thought about you
just kind of drift into it she calls it
the relationship escal es alator because
like an escalator you took one step and
got on it and next thing you know you're
at the second floor without putting
forth any effort and as a result of that
what can happen is a kind of whiplash
effect where people are getting divorced
earlier and earlier and they're
wondering how did I get here and her
point to them is you got there just by
being an autopilot I see this a lot in
the church two people that start dating
and the Assumption of both the community
and themselves is that they should just
keep moving to the next step I also
unfortunately see the exact pattern she
establishes in the church even including
sleeping together and living together
before marriage and it doesn't work
that's what she's saying it doesn't work
it often results in disillusionment and
in broken relationships and this is what
I'm always trying to get people to
understand on wake up lookup God's rules
God's design is not to limit or inhibit
you he's not keeping you from something
better to give you something worse no
it's the opposite God wants something
better for you which is why God's design
in the Bible is not an escalator but
more like one platform that you jump
from to the next in other words God's
design is that once you're attracted to
someone you begin to seek relationship
with them but from that point on if you
want to go any further you have to jump
you're not slowly descending or
ascending into sex and then into
marriage uh you are making a conscious
decision hey before I sleep with you or
before I I live with you I'm going to
commit to you the consequence of which
of course is that you're going to need
to think about making such a major leap
that's what leaping does if you can just
visualize if an escalator moves you up
without any thought jumping from one
thing to the next always requires
thinking and measuring and wondering do
I have it in me to make this leap and so
I just want to encourage you you
shouldn't autopilot or default into
anything let alone marriage this is why
churches have long sense championed
premarital counseling at my church we
call it exploring marriage that's
because we would say it isn't just for
couples that are getting married it's
for couples who are contemplating the
jump from one platform to the next
listen as Christians we have to
encourage couples to take their time to
ask hard questions to have good
conversations have you guys talked about
children have you talked about debt have
you talked about future plans there's so
many things that go into having a
meaningful Rich relationship making sure
you're able and willing to commit to
someone so if you're in a relationship
right now here's my encouragement first
of all all read a book together if
you're at CCC take the class exploring
marriage if for nothing else to prompt
some great conversations that get you
off the escalator and into actually
owning your life don't let the
relationship happen to you happen to it
the second thing is to realize that when
you drift through culture doing things
not God's way you don't end up in a
better place you end up in a worse place
and finally for friends family members
of those in a relationship stop assuming
and expecting that they just keep moving
up to a different level let them take
their time encourage them to have hard
conversations encourage them to move
with intention through the stages of
Life the hope would be that you're not
sitting there two years later going how
did I get here you're sitting there 40
years later going I'm so glad we got
here instead get off the escalator take
god seriously and look before you leave
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