Wake Up, Look Up

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hello everyone thanks for listening to

wake up lookup a podcast where we

connect events happening in real time to

the Gospel of Jesus Christ I'm Zach wck

and in today's episode we're asking the

question are you quiet divorced now I'm

taking this title from two places one is

you might remember there was a trend uh

in the last few years called quiet

quitting and and that's when you have a

job and you decide you don't really love

that job but you need the money so

you're not going to quit you're just

going to stop trying hard you're going

to kind of quiet quit you're going to do

the minimum amount of effort to keep the

job but not worry about progressing in

the job or doing it well that's where

the quiet part comes from but as for the

divorce part that comes from a New York

Times article I read about a pretty

staggering Trend that's picking up steam

in our country which is married couples

living apart so they're staying married

there's a variety of reasons for that

some of them Financial tax related and

logistical but living in different

places and I don't mean like he's in one

bedroom and she's in the other I mean

like she's in an apartment 20 minutes

down the road that kind of living apart

in fact 3% of married couples in the

United States live apart you might say

well 3% that's not a lot and you're

right but that's a growing number and 3%

of married couples in the United States

is 3.89 million couples that that's a

lot of people who are married but living

apart and my guess is not many of you

listening to this podcast are actually

doing this uh but I want to point out

instead kind of the trends that are

leading to this and how we need to work

against those things in our own

marriages because I think there are

three cultural Trends leading to these

couples living apart the first is that

we are increasingly living at a sub uh

biblical level in our marriages in other

words the Bible has a vision of marriage

that involves Oneness intimacy being

fully known and fully loved a marriage

that is pushing you to grow spiritually

in all the be best ways and there for

you when you're struggling in all the

best ways marriage is about more than

partnership it's about more than

co-parent ing or uh doing a budget

together or taking care of the house

marriage is about personal and Spiritual

Development it's about a mutual

commitment to each other to kind of make

it to the finish line of life in a way

that is honoring to God when marriages

become less than that uh the amount of

work and commitment that a marriage

takes makes less sense and so if

marriage really is just about money if

marriage is just about sex if marriage

is just about parenting that

increasingly as your body gets older or

the children grow up or you get for more

financially stable it will make less

sense uh that that means all of us are

going to have to constantly be

re-evaluating what is it we're expecting

from Marriage I I think often times most

of us don't suffer from expecting too

much we we suffer from expecting too

little we settle for less than what God

has for us in marriage uh the the second

Trend though is that overwhelmingly in

these couples that are living apart it

is the wife who is driving the living

apart and kind of the consistent refrain

in the article was that women are saying

I don't have my own life they're they're

losing their identity in the family and

feeling as though they need to separate

from their families in order to find

their own identity and I and I think

this is in somewhat a result of being

bad husband

husbands we got to do a good job of

asking our wives what their dreams are

what their goals are how we can come

alongside them again remember that in

Ephesians 5 we're told as husbands to

lay down our lives for our wives a big

part of that is making sure that they

see the unique role they play not just

in our family but in the kingdom of God

encouraging them to pursue their own

Avenues of ministry their own Avenues of

development championing them for their

gifts and abilities and they shouldn't

have to leave our home to feel valued

they shouldn't have to leave our home to

find their Identity or even to make

friends now every marriage is different

so everything I'm saying now might apply

for some wives and the way they treat

their husbands but overwhelmingly men we

have to do a better job of creating

lives that are bigger for our wives than

just our homes and families but then

third uh what what is happening is that

the American mindset that life is about

personal fulfillment that the chief end

of life is that I feel good about myself

I know myself I'm satisfied with myself

is actually in direct odds with the

biblical idea of marriage marriage is

about laying down your life for your

spouse Ephesians 5:21 says that we

should submit one to another out of

reverence for Christ it means actually

that I care more about what's going on

with my wife than I do even my own love

life and her for me if our lives are

about our own happiness our own

achievement our own accomplishment then

marriage is always going to be an

impediment to that nothing shows you

your own selfishness like marriage at

least that's what I've been learning

through 20 years of marriage but when it

does that I have to decide does that

mean I lean into that selfishness and

push back against a marriage that's

revealing it or doesn't mean I say thank

you God that I have a spouse that is

showing me me and alerting me and

warning me against the dangers of a life

that is about Naval gazing a life that

is about thinking only about myself

marriage is a covenant to walk alongside

someone to care for them to serve them

to see them grow to Champion them when

they win and to pick them up when they

lose that means daily dying to self not

realizing self self-fulfillment is not

the end goal of life living for the

glory of Jesus is the end goal and by

the way way when we do that will always

in the end be fulfilled and flourished

that's what a good King leads his

subjects to do listen marriage just

being married is not the goal and just

living in the same home is not the goal

if that's what your marriage feels like

the answer isn't to move out is to roll

up your sleeves and to get to work

building a marriage in the way God has

designed you might need help to do that

if so go get it don't move out

metaphorically or literally hey thanks

so much for watching this episode of

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